There is no perfect way to pick a baby name. There is, however, a less stressful way to do it. The trick is to do the hard thinking early, narrow the list deliberately, and stop reopening the question once you have agreed.

Start with constraints, not lists

Long lists of beautiful names are fun and useless. Begin with the constraints that will eliminate most options:

  • Surname rhythm. Read each candidate aloud with your full surname. Names that mirror the syllable count of your surname often sound clipped.
  • Initials. Check the initials, including any middle names you plan to use, do not spell something embarrassing.
  • Spelling and pronunciation. If the name will be misspelled or mispronounced every day at school, decide now whether you and your child can live with that.
  • Family politics. Decide upfront whether you are willing to use a family name as a first or middle name, and which side of the family knows.

The agree-and-veto rule

Both parents get unlimited vetoes and no defence. If one of you cannot live with a name, the name is out. Do not negotiate. This shortens the list quickly and prevents resentment later.

The classroom test

Imagine the name shouted across a primary-school playground, written on a CV at 22, and printed on a doctor's door at 50. If all three feel right, the name has the range to last.

The shortlist limit

Cap your shortlist at five names. Couples who keep adding to a shortlist tend to discover that they cannot decide because they have too many options, not too few. Force the cull.

Don't announce

Most experienced parents will tell you the same thing: do not share the shortlist with extended family. People will give opinions, those opinions will be remembered, and the name will be tarnished by the association. Wait until the baby is born and the name is registered.

Name regret is normal

Surveys consistently show that around one in five parents have second thoughts about a chosen name in the first year. Most of those thoughts pass. If they do not, changing a baby's name in the first year is administratively straightforward in the UK; do not pretend you are stuck.

The single best piece of advice

Pick a name you can both say with affection in a tired voice at three in the morning. That is the test that matters.